Ask a Troll

Anonymous asked: You of course realize that this whole system you've created is flawed, seeing as you yourself become a very easy target for trolls. Unless you have a near infinite knowledge of memes, in-jokes, pop-culture reference, and an endless supply of witty retorts to counter anyone who tries to flame or troll you, this is going to end in tears.

inb4 tl;dr

Quite right, dear fellow.

Eventually, I’ll realize the fallacy of my ways. I’ll think of all the hopes I have crushed…or rather, the hopes I think I might have crushed. After all, those who ask questions here are probably trolls themselves, like you, and probably laugh at my seriousness; but then again, am I being serious?

As if that wasn’t TL;DR enough for you, I’m going to keep writing, because I don’t care what you think. :)

You see, from my position right now, I could go either of two ways.

I could first call your bluff and keep on writing Ask a Troll online.

Alternately, I could see all the wrong I have done. Trolling is a dark art; it serves only to boost one’s ego to cover up a broken shell of a life. My eyes will grow teary. A teardrop will fall onto my Macbook’s keyboard and it will short out (cue Mac vs PC flame war).

I will take a double blow: the loss of my dignity and my laptop will be too much for me to bear. I will sell my worldly possessions and move to the Himalayas, where I will live out my days as a sage, imparting my wisdom to all those who care to hear it.

BUT WAIT. I’ll be doing the same thing either way; only in one scenario, I’ll be on top of a cold, barren, windswept mountaintop, and in the other, I’ll be chilling out (metaphorically) in the California sun.

But…

None of that is related to the simple truth of the matter.

This is you:

And this is me.

Ask me a question! »