Ask a Troll

Anonymous asked: What is the point of love, life, and existence? Aren't we all going to be dust in the wind someday?

Long answer: Is there a point to existence? Well, you are, after all, but a bag of water, protein, sugar, fat, and organic chemicals that happens to be well-organized internally. So science would say “probably not.”

However, like lemmings, people don’t normally commit mass-suicide once they realize their lives are worthless. In reality, people have developed very different ways of dealing with this difficult question.

The first is to play ignorant. In other words, LA LA LA LA I CAN’T HEARRRR YOUUUUUUUUU LA LA LA LA MY LIFE HAS A PURPOSE LA LA LA. Most people choose this method, though it seems like you, having asked the question in the first place, have already rejected it. Good lad/lass.

You see, while that approach is acceptable, it’s like patching a punctured tire with bubble gum. Simply ignoring the question that you posed will always leave doubt constantly lurking in your mind like a troll on a forum, waiting, anticipating, preparing for the right moment to strike and bring forth chaos.

A second way is to subscribe to a religion. That way, to you, life becomes simply a stepping stone on the way to either:

1. sitting on a cloud chilling out with winged babies, or
2. sustaining second-degree burns until the end of days.

Doesn’t seem like a very good choice to me, somehow (though winged babies are pretty cool).

A third way is suicide, often with the perceived reward of the 72 virgins. (Ask a Troll does not endorse this!)

A fourth way is to accept the pointlessness of life and live happily. It works, sure, but it’s a bit like consoling a criminal on death row by telling him that he would have died anyway. However, the criminal’s best choice is to simply accept his fate and live his remaining days happily.

After all, aren’t we all condemned to die? Perhaps it’s best we simply accept it and enjoy our lives.

Short answer: Who cares?

Ask me a question! »

Anonymous asked: Can humans be polygamous?

Well, they already are, in some cases. For instance, consider the members of some sect or another of the Mormon church, or King Solomon, or Osama bin Mohammed bin Awad bin Laden. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with polygamy - to each their own, after all.

However, it is true that the vast majority of cultures have a policy of monogamy. As for why this is the case, I can’t say I know.

But consider this scenario. You’re eight years old again and going trick-or-treating. You come up to a house and find a bowl of candy outside (presumably because the master of the house doesn’t want to keep getting up). In most cases, one would just take one piece of candy and move on; that’s the good thing to do. However, the gluttonous gluttons who got there before you took ten pieces of candy apiece. Suddenly, there isn’t enough candy to go around.

So, in general, gender ratios worldwide are roughly equal, given normal circumstances and none of that gender-specific abortion crap. In other words, everyone’s (in general) entitled to pick one person to be their significant other. You (and this is assuming you’re male) are no exception. However, in search of your mate, you find that there aren’t enough women to go around, since Osama bin Mohammed bin Awad bin Laden married three more women than he was ethically entitled to. Now doesn’t that suck? (If you’re female, a similar concept applies, though it’s nowhere as common).

Perhaps it’s because of this disequilibrium that polygamy causes that monogamy is the norm around the world. The less well-endowed demand their chance at passing their genes to the next generation.

It could also be because of the chasteness of modern society. See, elephant seal bulls fight to the death in a winner-take-all contest of masculinity. The winner of such a competition gets a lot of sex, and the losers get… well, nothing.

Since modern human society isn’t nearly cool enough to permit such a thing as a no rules deathmatch tournament (with sex as the prize, of all things), humans instead are reduced to flirting.

Well, I suppose it’s better than the hair shenanigans from Avatar.

Anonymous asked: Why do we love?

That depends on the perspective you have towards love.

Let me let out the cynic in me first. At its most basic levels, love is a set of very complex chemical reaction (as is life). At a very primal level, it’s just a way to ensure the presence of and good health of offspring. In fact, there’s even evidence to indicate that people are attracted to other people with dissimilar immune systems, which would give the offspring greater immunity. Check the article out; it’s a good read.

And while there’s certainly enough truth in that idea, I don’t think that’s all. After all, humans are more than the sum of their parts. Humans are made of water, protein, sugar, nucleic acid, and an uncountable number of other chemicals, but simply adding these ingredients together doesn’t guarantee self-awareness, or sentience.

The key word there is sentience. It’s because we are aware of ourselves that we can ponder questions such as the one you asked. We have active minds.

Consider the range of attitudes couples have towards kids. Some couples have large families; others don’t want children. So, in humans, love isn’t just about reproductive success.

And that’s where the mind comes in. While this is my personal conviction, I would be hard-pressed to believe that purely physical relationships are loving in nature. I think the key to love has to do with the mind.

True love, I believe, is when someone finds in another person their mental complement. Humans are social creatures, and most of us desire some degree of companionship. Time to go really abstract: in a loving relationship, one finds in another a state of mind that could enable both to advance some common interest.

But since this isn’t a philosophy journal, I’ll simplify it. People love in order to unconsciously make their minds happier.

I somehow doubt this response, despite its length, gave much closure. But at the same time, love really isn’t easily understood. I hate to say it, but your question is one that will probably plague people until the extinction of humanity.

So take your pick:

1. the abstract stuff about mental complements
2. electricity and chemicals

I know which of those two answers is more plausible. :)

Ask a question! »